Fatty, fatty, two-by-four…

Get away from the Abercrombie & Fitch door.

So there was this story going around on the facepage about some things that Abercrombie & Fitch CEO Mike Jeffries said about the acceptable clientele of his over-priced trendy mall retail store. Mr. Jeffries, frankly, doesn’t want to see the fatties and uglies inside his store best known for near-naked models and one really annoying 90’s pop song.

“We go after the cool kids,” Jeffries told Salon. “We go after the attractive all-American kid with a great attitude and a lot of friends. A lot of people don’t belong [in our clothes], and they can’t belong. Are we exclusionary? Absolutely.”

The article passed around on the facepage, which appeared on Elite Daily (and also ends suddenly and hilariously) explained further, but to break it down, basically, Mr. Jeffries said that Abercrombie & Fitch has a target audience, and that audience is skinny. And really, that was the jist of it. Mr. Jeffries associates skinny with young and pretty, so therefore if you are skinny, you belong in his trendy clothes. He wants people with washboard abs in his clothes. He never wants people in his clothes who do NOT have washboard abs as the people with washboard abs will apparently not want to be seen in the same clothing.

Side note – if I had washboard abs, I would NOT wear Abercrombie & Fitch. I’d wear a bra everywhere. So people could SEE MY WASHBOARD ABS. Sheesh.

Abercrombie & Fitch does not bother making bigger women’s sizes (though, they do for men, because male athletes are also super cool and worthy of wearing their line).

I gotta be honest. I had no idea. And mostly, I don’t really care. I don’t bother walking into Abercrombie & Fitch because the clothes on display in the windows are not at all my style, and seem overpriced, and it never occurred to me to walk inside and take a peek. I know I am dating myself, but to me, Abercrombie & Fitch kind of screams, “HEY! Are you the next preppy murderer?! Then you should dress yourself here!” I certainly don’t assume that the people who DO shop there are all in the “I hate uglies” club (or, for that matter, preppy murderers). Truth is, I love me some Walmart, and plenty of people write articles about the horrors of mean and terrible Walmart, and if I tried to care, I would fail, because I don’t.

So the CEO of this place is anti-overweight. Meh. Whatever.

But I do take issue with his assertion that the reason he markets to the skinnies is because they are all beautiful. It seems to imply that the fatties are all ugly. And I mean, come on now. Really? Really dude who looks like this:

Mike_Jeffries.jpeg

Dude. You’re almost 70. And you are not fully fatty. But um, your neck rolls are not exactly screaming “young hot sexy.” I’m just sayin’.

The truth of it is, beauty is subjective. There is no description of beautiful. So when Mr. Jeffries states one, I think even HE knows that there is no possible way for it to be effective or accurate. He is practically 70, so he is clearly old enough to know there are ugly skinny people in the world, be it because they are physically unattractive or just their personalities are offensive to general humankind. I know he gets it. So heck, maybe he was just making sure to say some wacko stuff to make sure that his brand remains relevant. After all, Abercrombie & Fitch appeared to struggle in 2012, with weak sales and plans to start shutting stores. So hey, say something CRAY-CRAY (see what I did there?) and they will come, even to protest, but there’s no such thing as bad publicity.

Of course, the retailer also seems to be doing a little better in 2013, so what do I know?

Well, here is what I *DO* know. I know that according to Mr. Jeffries, the following people are unfit to wear his brand:

Her:

Queen-queen-latifah-30656178-1280-800

Her:

adele_custom-aa4b2abdbcba58bc0b22807d8165fc3337b6d561-s6-c10

Her:

hon-melissa-mccarthy1

Her:

gabourey_sidibe

Him:

fluffy

(That is Fluffy. He is hilarious. Go see him live. For real.)

Her:

mae

Mae West. Old time fatty.

Her:

62708086

Marilyn. Size XL in today’s sizes, not available at Abercrombie & Fitch.

Her:

16.441_542

Jesus’ mother = total fatty.

Now, just to be extra clear, the following people ARE the right kind of cool for Mr. Jeffries’ brand:

Her:

lindsay-lohan-mugshot1

Her:

0919-heidi-montag-birthday-06-435x580

Her:

th

Her:

amanda-bynes-selfie

So, hopefully, there is some clarity.

If you need me, I’ll be in the XL section at Walmart.

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3 Comments

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3 responses to “Fatty, fatty, two-by-four…

  1. Jim

    This was some quality work! Any blog post that contains both Fluffy and the often overlooked Tara Reid is a classic.

    • pat eichstaedt

      That-a-girl. Myself I have been in both of his catagories and still am in one and I will never buy anything in his store for all the skinnys I know and will tell all my 71 year old friends who like to be very trendy to skip this store.I guess he just does not really know how to get on that list of really,really rich people. love mom

  2. You may have outdone yourself with this post. XOXO

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