The other day, Jim asked me a personal question.
I’m not gonna lie, I don’t remember what it was. Something about what my hopes and dreams were as a kid? Or something? I don’t know, it was super deep and hence, not at all like Jim. Sorry honey.
My first response to him was, “have you been on Pinterest?”
He claims not to know what that is, but I don’t believe him. See, Pinterest is code for “super awesome time suck.” It’s this random site where you post links to all the things you like, or want, or need, or fancy, or wish to make, or covet, or, inexplicably, random pictures of Kid Rock. Seriously, there are Pinterest pages that people start up to honor the man who is so skeezy you need a shot of penicillin after looking at him. Gross yo. It’s just weird.
But other than that, Pinterest is super randomly fun. You know all the thoughts and ideas and stuff you really like but keep to yourself because no one cares? Yeah, now it’s public, and it’s on Pinterest.
And in the very *pinteresting* boards about relationships and relationship advice and being a better relationshipper, there is a trend lately on how to get to know your partner better. At the heart of a lot of these things is essentially a game of 20 questions. Here’s what to ask your guy (or gal, dudes can pinterest their lives too) when you are bored or in a long car ride or to strike up the conversation or just to get to know each other better.
They generally are accompanied by a photo of a super happy couple, like so:
So I started clicking away thinking, hell, that actually sounds fun. It would be nice to give Jim the third degree in a pleasant way for a change.
But the more I looked at the various items for how to get to the root of your partner’s soul so you REALLY know what they are thinking, the more disappointed I was. The questions were LAME. Examples:
What is your favorite Olympic event?
What? I don’t give a shit. Or, more importantly, if it is not curling, you are dead to me.
Would you rather be blind or deaf?
Wow. Loaded question there. One way or another I’m insulting someone. No way am I falling into that trap.
Who is your favorite superhero?
Again… what? Thor. Or you are again dead to me.
What’s your most embarrassing moment?
Well, nothing will put the pedal to the metal in the divorce bus quicker than revealing how embarrassing it was when you got busted for public nudity and that’s the real reason you can’t go back to New Orleans.
These questions are crap! Crap I tell you.
So I have developed my own. Ten questions to get to the heart of your relationship.
Sit with the one you love, or the one you hope to love, or the one you were stalking but shhhhhhhh let’s not discuss it we’re on a date now, and ask these gems.
Then you REALLY get to know someone.
1 – Why do you hate America?
This should always be first on any list.
2 – Do they sell men’s clothes where you bought that shirt?
Obvi – say “women’s” if your date is a chick. Better yet, say chick. That will win her over.
3 – How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
Has anyone ever answered this? I want to know.
4 – Why?
Just ask this over and over. People love this.
5 – Do you think I’m fat?
Any answer is a good answer, for real!
6 – Is she prettier than I am?
Ask this regardless of who your date is. Men can be pretty too.
7 – Sean Hannity, Bill O’Reilly, Karl Rove. You have to sleep with one, marry one, kill one, GO!
If them hem and haw, leave immediately. The answers in order are Bill, Karl, Sean.
8 – Dawson or Pacey?
The answer is Dawson. It’s HIS creek.
9 – What’s your most embarrassing moment?
I changed my mind about this one, I want to know if he’s as fun as I am, or as lame as, well, I expect he is.
10 – What is the name of your make-believe band?
This is far more important than you think. Anyone who does not have a make-believe band, or for that matter who has never practiced their speech to the academy or picked out their Olympic ice skating music is lacking heart, creativity and a soul. PS, if they say the name of their band is Mentally Spanked, you are on a date with me, Kayla or Nancy.
Good luck everyone. Go pin it.