Now we’re cookin’

As many people who have received my e-mails or Facebook messages know, I have been completely and utterly duped into hosting a jewelry party. To be fair, I need to stop complaining about it. I mean, if I had TRULY been paying attention to what the saleslady was saying, and not thinking, “Oh, that’s cute!” even though I don’t even WEAR jewelry, then I never would have snatched up the “free” gift that came with a side order of “now you get to host your own party.” So seriously, I should quit my bitching. After all, my mother, my mother-in-law, and my future sister-in-law are coming, so it’s not like I’m going to be stuck here alone. And we all know my brother’s bride is totally only marrying him for his money, but we’ve come to accept it. HI-yow! (’cause my brother is dirt poor, get it?)

So anyway, almost as soon as I asked, I got responses from family and friends that mirrored my own when I was first asked to a jewelry party — sheer and utter horror. But I also got responses that were equally excited about the idea. Apparently, jewelry is loved and accepted by many a female human. Who knew?

But today, I received something that can only work to make my party even BETTER, so much so that I am now looking forward to it. Allow me to introduce Mr. Kenmore:

Let me just take this moment to say, I LOVE SEARS. I love their appliances, their TVs, and despite Kayla’s aggressive attempts to steer me toward more trendy stores, I love their clothes. They are affordable and cute too! Thank you awesomeness that is Sears!

So Jim asked me if he could get a new TV (and no, we do not need one, the man just loves his TV) and I said sure, let’s take a look — only to be swooned and seduced by this here Kenmore. IT HAS TWO OVENS! One. Two. And FIVE BURNERS. I don’t even own five pots! Now I need to go buy some pots! Jim’s TV dreams have been cast aside for the moment, thanks to an appliance saleslady named Linda and a big fat sign that boasted “20% Off All Kenmore Appliances when you use your Sears Card.” AND — Linda didn’t even make me sign up to host a party!

So haters of jewelry parties, maybe it’s time to reconsider. Because I don’t know what’s on the snack list yet for my party, but it’s sure to be five items that can be cooked on a stove top and two things that can be baked AT THE EXACT SAME TIME because dudes I HAVE TWO OVENS!!!!!

I’m not sure when I got to the point in life when a new appliance induced this much happiness, but man do I like it. I wonder if this is what it’s like for women who love Lia Sophia jewelry. Well, no matter which one you like, party’s at Marney’s house! We’re cooking up some snacks and fancy fake jewels!


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9 responses to “Now we’re cookin’

  1. Nancy

    Mr. Kenmore is hot!

  2. Nancy

    Oh, and coincidentaly, Ms. GE has gone all cold “down there”. A man is coming to “fix” her tomorrow.

  3. Brother Tom

    Dirt Poor??

    Does that mean Carrie is older than my money?

  4. You crack my shit up, Marney!

    Nice score on the ovens! Holla!

  5. Oooo a double oven that doesn’t require it’s own wall. I’m intrigued.

  6. Maureen

    Actually, I’m marrying him for his charming ex. Those pots of money lying about the place is just an added bogus – I mean bonus.

  7. Kayla

    Hey, JCPenney has cute clothes now.

    Maybe Sears will be next!

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