Young love

I am a horrible mother. Horrible in the sense that I tease my 7-year-old boy with the relentless tenacity of, well, a 7-year-old boy. Especially when it comes to the ladies in his life.

Last year it was young Bella. She could not have been cuter or sweeter, and the way they gazed into each other’s little eyes, I had no choice but to sing out a mocking tune of “Hank has a girlfriend!” as soon as he got in the car every day after school. Did I mention I am a horrible mother?

This year is a new school, which means a whole new squad of girls to woo him with their charms. And the clear winner is one Miss Louisa. Louisa is adorable. So adorable in fact that when I was in charge of the games at the Valentine’s party, and I had to pick a winner out of a classroom of 20 children, I chose Louisa because I like her the best. Keep in mind — I chose her OVER Hank. Back to that horrible mother thing again…

Anyway, Hank does talk about Louisa a lot, so I have no choice but to bring it on. It’s tease time, little man. Get prepared for your mother to cause your blood pressure to rise!

Here is part of the actual conversation that occurred on the way home from school today:

Hank: Good thing we’re walking, because we might see Louisa.

Me: Because she’s your girlfriend?

Hank: No. But we both agree on one thing. We both think you got hit in the head.

Me: Why?

Hank: Because. We aren’t even in LOVE. Besides… a Jedi Knight can’t have attachments.

…and later…

Me: So have you kissed her yet?

Hank: (with a look of disgust) NO! That would be illegal AND inappropriate on school grounds!

Me: Illegal?

Hank: Yeah. Kissing and potty talk are illegal. Oh, and guns.

Me: Potty talk?

Hank: Yeah. You know, like, ‘Hey doc, I need a new butt — this one is cracked!’ That’s ILLEGAL!

Me: But that’s funny!

Hank: I know. But it’s illegal. Kissing and potty talk. And guns.

Kissing, potty talk and guns. Now that’s my tax dollars hard at work in today’s public schools!

Needless to say, we did not catch a glimpse of Louisa on her way home, though Hank did point out which house was hers. Which of course was just another reason for me to ratchet up the teasing a notch — how does he know where she lives? It’s not like he goes out and plays without me knowing where he’s at! Oh well, perhaps tomorrow. As the temperatures continue to rise, we will continue to walk home. And the relentless teasing shall continue!

Did I mention that I am a horrible mother?


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7 responses to “Young love

  1. Jen

    That was hilarious!! Especially the part about the Jedi knights. I laughed out loud in the newsroom.

  2. Carrie

    That made my day!!

  3. OMG, I totally need a video of these conversations. God Forbid I ever have children, MOTY right here…

    and one of these days, he’ll get you. Just wait LMAO

  4. Your son has just as quick a wit as you…I love reading your conversations 🙂

  5. Jacki

    Horrible mother? Hardly. He’s gonna be (and honestly, already is) one cool cat. A great personality b/c of the bantor with you.
    I like it.

  6. been reading you stuff. outrageous.

    wish my mom was that cool, of course she’s old and shrinking as we speak. keep up the kidding. it makes them strong.

  7. Michael Mannino

    From the mouths of babes, finally I have an excuse for my mother to explain my lack of “attachments.”

    “But Maaaa, I’m gonna be a Jedi Knight. I can’t give you grandchildren. I’m married to the Force.

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