Wednesday confessions

  • I have let my 3-year-old watch “Cars” four times in the past two days, partly because I think TV is a viable babysitter, but also because I really like it.
  • I walked around WalMart holding a Kim Kardashian exercise video for at least 10 minutes today before I finally decided, not at this time.
  • I decided not to buy the Kim Kardashian exercise video when I realized it has been quite a while since I did my Carmen Electra “Strip to Fit” video, which I stopped doing when I realized that repeating any of those “strip tease” dance moves in the presence of my husband would result in the immediate dissolution of my marriage.
  • I like to poke my husband gently as he sleeps. And by “poke gently,” I mean I actually kick the snoring bastard. I discovered that sometimes he will sit up, look at me and say something before rolling over, but he has no memory of it in the morning. So I use it to get him to flip over and at least aim the vocals of the growling bear at the wall. I still don’t understand why two grown adults are expected to share a bed just because they are married. Just last week, when I gave my honey bunny a gentle nudge, he actually got up and went to sleep downstairs on the couch, and I was kinda happy.
  • I love pizza and will eat any type without discrimination. I swear you can hand me a pizza topped with chocolate-covered crickets and Mike-n-Ikes that has been set on fire and I will still eat it. I love pizza.
  • I have no idea where anything on the east coast is in relationship to anything else. I don’t know what’s north or south or closer to the ocean or what states touch. New York, Connecticut, Delaware, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Maryland, Washington DC, all of that New England stuff — not a clue.
  • I desperately want to live somewhere tropical one day.
  • My husband and I watch “The Biggest Loser” while eating ice cream and chips and watch “Intervention” while drinking. We are not very good people.
  • I don’t mind at all that I look like my mother.
  • When I think of my boys growing up, it makes me cry a little.
  • I am a good housewife-chef. I bake a delicious cake that stays moist for a full week, and when I make one and Jim brings the leftovers to work, his co-workers pretty much squeal with joy. My father-in-law actually gets giddy if he gets a piece of cake from my oven. Last week, per our New Year’s Day tradition, I made a turkey with all the trimmings, and it was the juiciest, most delicious turkey ever. I might not be Top Chef or Hell’s Kitchen quality, but Mama’s cooking keeps her boys happy.
  • I rarely if ever separate the clothes before doing laundry.
  • I have upon occasion purposely been rude/unpleasant/snotty to my son’s “father” (for example, putting quote marks around the word father), and it almost always comes back to bite me, yet I still do it.
  • Thanks to my husband’s intervention, I like hockey. I don’t understand it completely, but I like it.
  • I have been unable to get rid of a little black dress that has not fit me since I was 25 years old, because I desperately want to fit into it again one day because it is outrageously sexy. I hate that I think about how fat I have gotten every single day without fail.
  • I cried at Kayla’s wedding, but did not cry at my own.
  • If I were King of the World, the first thing I would get rid of is the designated hitter. Honestly, be a ball player already. Pick up a bat. Wussie league (them’s fighting words, in case you were wondering).
  • My best personality trait is that I have the ability to make people laugh. I’m no comedian, but I can crack a good joke or two, and I like that about myself.

Whew. Glad to get that off my chest!

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7 Comments

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7 responses to “Wednesday confessions

  1. I’m all for nudging Hunni to get him to roll over. I’ve in fact pushed him and he doesn’t ever remember it.

  2. Kayla

    Do you have an “On Demand” section on your cable? They had the Kim Kardashian workout available there to try for free.

    This morning I tried a Bollywood Dance workout. It was fun and I am SOOOO glad no one was watching 🙂

  3. Carrie

    I am the person who get’s nudged ~ however, Dave goes to Em’s room when I don’t stop zzzzzzz. I snore like my mother.

    PS – have you watched that hoarding show? That’s nuts!!!!

    • Marney

      Carrie, you do not snore. You purr.
      We have watched Hoarders, but even we don’t have the heart to poke fun at those poor souls.

  4. Really? King of the World and your first concern is the DH?

    I guess the cars, and the bars, and the war can just wait.

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