- I have let my 3-year-old watch “Cars” four times in the past two days, partly because I think TV is a viable babysitter, but also because I really like it.
- I walked around WalMart holding a Kim Kardashian exercise video for at least 10 minutes today before I finally decided, not at this time.
- I decided not to buy the Kim Kardashian exercise video when I realized it has been quite a while since I did my Carmen Electra “Strip to Fit” video, which I stopped doing when I realized that repeating any of those “strip tease” dance moves in the presence of my husband would result in the immediate dissolution of my marriage.
- I like to poke my husband gently as he sleeps. And by “poke gently,” I mean I actually kick the snoring bastard. I discovered that sometimes he will sit up, look at me and say something before rolling over, but he has no memory of it in the morning. So I use it to get him to flip over and at least aim the vocals of the growling bear at the wall. I still don’t understand why two grown adults are expected to share a bed just because they are married. Just last week, when I gave my honey bunny a gentle nudge, he actually got up and went to sleep downstairs on the couch, and I was kinda happy.
- I love pizza and will eat any type without discrimination. I swear you can hand me a pizza topped with chocolate-covered crickets and Mike-n-Ikes that has been set on fire and I will still eat it. I love pizza.
- I have no idea where anything on the east coast is in relationship to anything else. I don’t know what’s north or south or closer to the ocean or what states touch. New York, Connecticut, Delaware, New Jersey, Massachusetts, Maryland, Washington DC, all of that New England stuff — not a clue.
- I desperately want to live somewhere tropical one day.
- My husband and I watch “The Biggest Loser” while eating ice cream and chips and watch “Intervention” while drinking. We are not very good people.
- I don’t mind at all that I look like my mother.
- When I think of my boys growing up, it makes me cry a little.
- I am a good housewife-chef. I bake a delicious cake that stays moist for a full week, and when I make one and Jim brings the leftovers to work, his co-workers pretty much squeal with joy. My father-in-law actually gets giddy if he gets a piece of cake from my oven. Last week, per our New Year’s Day tradition, I made a turkey with all the trimmings, and it was the juiciest, most delicious turkey ever. I might not be Top Chef or Hell’s Kitchen quality, but Mama’s cooking keeps her boys happy.
- I rarely if ever separate the clothes before doing laundry.
- I have upon occasion purposely been rude/unpleasant/snotty to my son’s “father” (for example, putting quote marks around the word father), and it almost always comes back to bite me, yet I still do it.
- Thanks to my husband’s intervention, I like hockey. I don’t understand it completely, but I like it.
- I have been unable to get rid of a little black dress that has not fit me since I was 25 years old, because I desperately want to fit into it again one day because it is outrageously sexy. I hate that I think about how fat I have gotten every single day without fail.
- I cried at Kayla’s wedding, but did not cry at my own.
- If I were King of the World, the first thing I would get rid of is the designated hitter. Honestly, be a ball player already. Pick up a bat. Wussie league (them’s fighting words, in case you were wondering).
- My best personality trait is that I have the ability to make people laugh. I’m no comedian, but I can crack a good joke or two, and I like that about myself.
Whew. Glad to get that off my chest!