Open question to men

Seriously… why do you love your junk so much?

George is 3 years and 5 months old. At this age, Hank was fully potty trained, always in underpants, MAYBE he’d wear a pull up at night, but it would be dry in the morning. Hell, we got married two days after Hank’s 3rd birthday, and he was wearing underwear at the wedding. So naturally, I expected George to take to the potty as easily as Hank did. What a crock.

Jim and I have tag teamed now for months and months of potty training. Which, by the way, my sister Amy says is the absolute worst job a parent has to perform. And to qualify, Amy has six kids between the ages of 3 and 19. She’s been through it all, the whining, the crying, the kicking, the screeching. She’s ridden the wave from Lizzie McGuire to Hannah Montana and did the last few years of it on only one working leg. She’s had five children forcibly removed from her uterus. She had one kid break bones on two other kids just a few months apart. Yet still, she says potty training is the worst job a parent has. It clearly sucks.

So anyway, after what has really been a year long effort, George has finally taken to the potty for Number 1. Number 2 is still a work in progress. But the child has discovered that if he pulls his pants down, there’s this… thing. He gets to TOUCH it. Whooopie! So now, at least twice an hour, I hear a little noise in the bathroom, and it’s George, standing at the toilet, his little ding-a-ling barely making it to the edge there, and yelling, “There it goes!” So not only does he get to LOOK at it several times a day, but then he gets gummy bears for finally going in the toilet.

My mother has a son. My oldest sister has a son older than mine. Why, I ask of these women, WHY didn’t you let me in on this stuff? WHY? Do you hate me? Did I do something to you? I mean, I didn’t expect my brother to explain it to me. But the WOMEN in my life. Why would you punish me this way? Why did no one ever let me in on the fact that boys are icky and gross, and they LOVE THEIR JUNK FROM THE MOMENT THEY DISCOVER IT? 

I admit, I am a little more prepared this time since we are working on son #2. I have not yet recovered from the time Hank yelled out, “Mom, you have got to SEE this!” and pointed down, and THIS was actually THAT and it was standing at attention. I may have actually screamed when that happened. But still. What is up with boys and their JUNK?

Please, anyone, I’m begging for an answer. Jim doesn’t even notice, he’s no help. And I am way outnumbered here.

I think I finally understand why nuns used to claim that it’ll fall off and you’ll go blind if you play with it. Because boys are gross.

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1 Comment

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One response to “Open question to men

  1. Mandy

    Boys *are* gross.

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