Dear public school,

So….

My son came home with a picture in his bag. It was a picture he was proud of, said they were learning about this great guy in history class and they drew pictures and wrote a nice story about this guy’s very important accomplishments. Then he presented the picture to me:

Seriously, what the hell are you teaching my kid?

Two things:

1. According to the story, this is a picture of Christopher Columbus, who apparently had a famed Hitler mustache that represents a cross between a jack hammer and a carrot, as well as a scorching case of acne.
2. Anyone wishing to donate to my son’s future private school account, we’re now accepting cash, checks and American Express.